The last text

"...I don't want you back."

There it was, five words that drained all hope. All was said and done. This time she meant it. This time there was no way out. Its a deadlock situation.

That's the problem. I always think like there is a way out. Like I can find a way to fix things, to make things work. Not giving up is a double-edged sword, perhaps for me.

My friend said:

"Hirap sa'yo, isang text lang niya nababaliw ka na kagad."

Haha, If being crazy was all it was, I'll go to a rehab and survive it. But no, I chose this kind of life and now I have to live with it.

I cleaned my room and removed a lot of things that is not supposed to be there anymore. I told myself that its for the holidays, its for my nephew. But no, its me leaving the past.

I thrashed a bunch, washed the dirty sheets and pillow cases, then burned a lot of letters and gifts that used to mean a lot.

Somewhere we can both be right
Somewhere where imagination grazes in the half-light
I'm enamored it's December in your eyes so
Warm me by your fireside...

Its January now but I did not feel the icy feeling of December. Maybe its the climate change kicking in. Or maybe its me not feeling the cold anymore.

I hope its not too late...

Going back to square one, Breaking habits and the Penultimate post

I have not posted in a while... a lot of things happened and yes, this will be the post before the blog gives a closing curtain.

I started this blog as a writer, as a requirement, as a way to post my article. Then it became my personal blog, an outlet. I filled it with my anger, remorse, happiness and love... But now I know I put up a lot to it that the blog has lost its meaning. As to pay respect, I'll write a short story as my last post. Please do not expect a lot since I haven't written for a looooooooooooonnnggg time. I promise to give it my best shot though.

So what happened so far? In a nut shell, Jollibee Mayon, the first fast food that cater a lot of my childhood was tore down and was rebuilt in 3 months (no, I'm not imitating the Bible, seriously, it did happen). That Jollibee is special to me. It was a symbol, a big part of my childhood, a heritage of my youth. It was back, not the way it was before. If you'll ask me, the space is smaller. Rumors say its company owned now. The play place ain't there anymore. The 3rd floor is not accessible. Its never gonna be the same. I thought I can accept the changes but it was not easy. Sure, the air conditioning was fixed. The decorations, superb. But the aura is different. I can't tell exactly what happened other than it's designed to cater just a few people.Its hard to grasp the change.

Most of us are like that. We can't accept change. Its hard to break the routine. We always crave for what was once there but is now gone. We love to put all the eggs in one basket... then it falls apart. So we envelope ourselves with sadness. A thick shell of sadness that we ourselves cannot break. We lost the will to break the sadness, believing that or strength went away with the eggs and the basket.

The key is to find your own strength. We need to break our own walls of sadness. New eggs, family, your niece, nephew, cohorts. It will eventually fall into place if you'll just look closely. If you'll appreciate what's left and what's always been there. We have to change tactics if we want to change the outcome. We have to buy a sturdier basket. Change the way we walk. They say we learned to crawl before we eventually learned to walk, so crawl if necessary. Just don't stay where you are.

Its always fine to start again... just don't be afraid to start again. So I'll start again. Yes, a new blog awaits.

Here's my new buddies to face the upcoming year. :)

Maysakit, Reminder and Present.

Here we stand
we know it will always be
everything & nothing
between us but space & silence...

Taking an SL once in a while is  great, specially if you really mean it (I do, really. Im sick). And I caught myself obsessed with a song (that I squeezed the internet just to find a clean, not-live copy of the song). Its cute, meaningful and reminds us that today is important. That golf balls are more important than pebbles, sand or beer/coffee. :)

to begin with
tell me how it is
to love & live & be
no promises knowing
there is only now
knowing there is only now...

Promises are building blocks of relationships as Papa Jack puts it. But staying today, making that promise felt, not just spoken, is more important than telling those words numerous times. Stopping once in a while, enjoying the scenery, cherishing the moments... we need to do it too.

as we walk away
out the door
welcome back reality
don't forget we smile knowing
there is only now...

Of course, we always need to go back to the "routine", to the everyday pain in the neck, to the usual chores. But we will never forget how much we enjoyed the stop, the calm before the storm, the peace before the war... so we will have to look forward to enjoy it again.
Someone said that today is called present because it is a gift, and it is.

;) 

I'll be good... I'll be awesome... I'll be...

I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning, I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help

You can't start a fire, you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark

Message keeps getting clearer, radio's on and I'm moving round the place
I check myself out in the mirror I wanna change my clothes my hair my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere just sitting in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is
You can't start a fire, you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark

You sit around getting older there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders come on baby this laughs on me
Stay on the streets of this town and they'll be carving you up alright
They say you got to stay hungry hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book
I need a love reaction come on now baby give me just one look 

You can't start a fire, sittin' 'round cryin' over a broken heart 

This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the Dark

You can't start a fire, worryin' about your little world falling apart

This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark.

Sometimes, there are things you need to face yourself without the help of others. Yep, its gonna be a tough ride. But remembering my mom, she'll be smiling to see me take this step. :) Even if i dance alone in the dark, she'll be watching me...

 

Assassins, Strategy and Someone to Protect

Assassins. Originally, these are group of people that kill elites for political and religious reasons. Well nowadays, assassins are simply silent killers. One who strikes once and never to be seen again. The logic is that they won't allow their victims to strike back so they need to finish them in one blow.

Nice, right? Just like an online ad; hanap, usap, deal. Basic technique is that the assassin needs to observe the target's routine, gather information, then plan smoothly. It needs to be smooth, no holes barred, no detail missed... otherwise the "one-strike mission" will fail. There is one glitch though... it needs a lot of resources, mostly time, effort and money... just like dating (ahahahahahahaha). What's my point? Assassins are not meant for 1st encounter battles, so if you catch an assassin eating lechon then there's a high chance that you can beat him.They're so used in careful planning that ambush might be a good tool that can be used against them. Sounds easy? I didn't use the word "might" there for nothing. They have this one trait though that keeps them from being ambushed.

Just like what they say about angels, they carry no "burdens." They move from one place to another like they own the world. You see, they observe their prey on a specific location, stay there till its done then move away. It sounds sooooooooooooo perfect that its hard to find a flaw. So lets talk about pros, cons, strengths and weaknesses.

Its given that they plan... and it needs to be oh-so-smooth. So intelligence is a qualification. Good thing, if everyone aspires to be an assassin and they qualify, matagal na tayong extinct. Assassin versus assassin... Mr. and Mrs. Smith, RED, This means war (pagbigyan ang mga FBI agents, kunwari assassins din sila)... don't you enjoy watching them foil each other's plan and kill each other. More creativity, more fun.

They move from one place to another.  I just don't know where the money comes from, like what I said, it seems they own the world. They eat good food, stay on five star hotels and own/ride/rent high class cars (that talks back, has GPS, has an autopilot, can be controlled remotely, multiple plate numbers, and the biggest feature? HOT GIRLS). And speaking of gadgets, they never run out of one. You might think that their sleeves are the location of Batman's arsenal and Oscorp combined. Or perhaps, that's what the movies make us believe.

So much about Brad Pitt a.k.a. Mr. Smith's oh-so-perfect life. Lets move on to the main event (Yep, I really wrote this to tackle their WEAKNESS).

People make mistakes. Those egoistic oversee simple details... and all of us are egoistic in our own ways so everybody is prone to oversee things... neglect a few pointers... over/underestimate. Usually, they get killed for being so full of themselves (ehem). So ingat-ingat din pag may time. May time ka ba? Ingat na!

I was moved to know that during Killua and Gon's training to beat Knuckle and Shoot, its Kil who has the shorter straw (read : Hunter X Hunter, Chimera Ant Arc). Kil's the one with assassin bloodline, has more experience, and (according to him) swims on electric currents when he was a baby. So what makes him weaker? Gon fought Knuckle everyday, which gave him (at least) an idea about who he was dealing with. Kil, on the other hand, just watched and was not able to hone what he was training for. Before the last day of their fight, Biscuit pointed out his weakness, not just because of the situation but also because of his assassin way. Kil is used in planning ahead and running away specially if the opponent is stronger (or so he thinks). Ok naman sana, the thing is he chose to stay with Gon... and from this point forward, for discussion purposes, we will refer to Gon as "burden." Yep, remember the "burden" before? Most of the time, assassins move alone which gives them ease of transportation, slick movements and... well free of burdens... free from worries and uhmmmm... for a lack of words I'll say someone to protect.

There, that's their main weakness. For all those good looks, owning the world thingy and sight seeing while travelling the world... they are still human. They are prone to build friendship, bonds, possibly falling in love... all burdens. And that's what makes Kil hold the shorter straw. Gon is so used in making friends (and is so gullible) that its alright for him to lose an arm (Greed Island Arc) just to explore or possibly to make friends (Hunter Exam Arc, remember the sailor he saved?). Now Gon's fighting Knuckle, so Kil's going to fight Shoot. But Shoot never appeared until the last day. That gave Kil no idea to know his opponent's abilities, no time to plan how to attack. That's another weakness, the ambush technique. He'll be meeting Shoot for the first time and he needs to beat him while Shoot already saw his Ren (read : Nen, so much to read, so little time); simply put he has a vague idea of Kil's strength. So Biscuit pointed out his possible tendency since Gon will be nothing but a burden to him, Kil might treat Gon as a pawn, a bait to know Shoot's abilities. If not for that situation, future battles might still require Kil to do his assassin thingy: assess, plan, travel the world... hanap, usap, deal. And if the situation will not allow him to do so, there's Gon to risk. Point is if your going to live an assassin's life, you need to live alone. Otherwise, you'll have to carry a "burden" around...

NOW, don't you think assassins has a big resemblance to NINJAS???? (Oh yeah [Vector style]). Here's the catch, my fave ninja said that the ones who are the strongest are the ones who has someone to protect... By deduction, we say they're the ones who has "BURDENS."

I don't really know how Gon and Kil lose (they did... if it was explained, I haven't reach that part yet during the time I'm writing this)... but thinking about it, Brad has Angelina... Bruce has the CSR chick and the FBI boys have Reese. Makes sense... Wanna be tough??? Carry your burdens. :)

'Pag bumibili ka ba ng baka, nagbabaka-sakali ka?????

 So cute, right?

 Who did this then?

I did.

When wants become too much...

Warning: This blog post is about pure and applied science.

When we collide, we break.

The property of matter we call impenetrability, that no two same matter can occupy the same space at the same time. Its simple, but for those idiots out there (oops, like an idiot's guide, let's put it that way) that means if Im already seated, you can't seat here anymore (yeah, I don't share a lot so even if I'm pleasingly plump and you can still squeeze a quarter or two of your butt on my seat, I will not allow it. And yes, I'm not fat, not chubby, I'm pleasingly plump. If you have any problems, its my blog). 

So what's my point? Sometimes we try to fit a lot, we try to fit everything on such a small space. And what happens when we do that? Well like what the first line says, one or both (or whatever number of things you try to fit) breaks. Impenetrability, its common sense really... well common sense is not so common anymore.

When the cold comes crashing down, And the fight lost what it's about.

What happens when we realize that the space is not enough? We buy space! Haha, funny right? It doesn't matter how much we pay, we always wanted more. Then we buy some more. Till we eventually give up the things that we try to fit in just to buy enough space. Now we have a big space to fit in everything, but we already lost the things it supposedly holds. We weigh a lot between the space and the things that we want to fit in, thinking that we can balance it. That there's a way to buy enough space without sacrificing the things we want to fit. Impenetrability, I think its a way of saying that we only have two hands and that we can only hold a handful.

When I came here there was more. Now I've come back to destroy.

Exploitation, that's what where we're good at. By the time we established the fact that we can only handle enough, that's the time we drop things. Sometimes we decide which one to drop, sometimes we're just not aware, sometimes we really don't notice that it just drops on it's own and sometimes we do notice but its too late to save. The thing is we drop something... If we decide on it, we prioritize, which is good but then again, damage has been done. We are responsible for what we tame (hehehehehe). If we are not aware, that is because we are so focused and obsessed on a specific object that we neglect the other things we thought we can take responsibility of (in the vernacular, takaw-tingin... PAGKAEN). If we don't notice and just drops then that's just BS (Bulldog Shih-tzu... y'know), its not important and was never important... And yes, there's the things we do notice that we might lose and we know that they are important but one way or another we got caught up on all the hurly burly whatever that they end up lost, stolen, kidnapped, burned... broken anyway. We need that, so we try to save it. Probably we lose other things on the process to save it. You might be successful, might be not... but either way we lose something and that's the result of trying to make the banana tree bear tomatoes instead of the usual banana... Then you start to question yourself if you were able to save the most important things or you lost them trying to save the shitty ones... if you were really choosing the right stuff or you're just choosing the things that would make you look right.

Impenetrability, if you'll look on it the way I elaborated things you'll say that it limits us... like a curse. But come to think of it, it's a way of balancing the greed that we humans have. Just like what was mentioned in Hellboy 2, man was born with a hole in his heart... insatiable... always looking for something more.

I guess I was able to deliver what I'm trying to discuss... So as parting words, lemme borrow a bit more from the inspiration of this blog post (Ironman 3? Nah, Don't tell me you haven't noticed yet).

And it's a place I can not go anymore...

It's a hard mistake...

Anawangin was too impossible... So Bulacan then Tagaytay, here I go...

Breathe in, Breathe out... Calm and composed...

In the morning it comes, heaven sent a hurricane
Not a trace of the sun, but I don't even run from rain
Beating out of my chest, my heart is holding on to you
From the moment I knew
From the moment I knew
You were the air in my breath filling up my love-soaked lungs
Such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun
Nothing better than this, oh, and then the storm can come
You feel just like the sun
Just like the sun
And if you say, be alright
I'm gonna trust you, babe
I'm gonna look in your eyes
And if you say, be alright
I'll follow you into the light
Never mind what I knew, nothing seems to matter now
Oh, who I was without you, I can do without
No one knows where it ends, how it may came tumbling down
But I'm here with you now
I'm with you now
And if you say be alright
I'm gonna trust you, babe
I'm gonna look in your eyes
And if you say be alright
I'll follow you into the light
Let the world come rushing in
Come down hard, come crashing
All I need, is right here beside me
I'm out of love, I swear it,
Take my love and wear it
Over your shoulders
And if you say be alright
I'm gonna trust you, babe
I'm gonna look in your eyes
And if you say be alright
I'll follow you into the light
The light
The light

Pic courtesy of mr.google :)

You pappy pirate...

I miss you, and its your birthday... so its been 7 months and 25 days since you severed ties. I thought you won't pull it thoroughly... Well obviously you did...

Sometimes I regret being reckless that night, that maybe I shouldn't have gambled my chances...  I should have been more considerate. Sometimes I blame myself that I pushed you to make a choice... Then I realized that it could have been the same either way... I'll be a sacrificial lamb...

I'll say no more... Just wish you're happy with the decision... I just wish you're happy on your birthday... I just wish you're happy, period. Happy birthday "judz".... TSS... :D

Yeah, forgive me for the picture, I have no decent shot of you.....so sorry. :) (As if there's a big chance you'll read this...)

Deviation... Who knows?

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end..."

- Closing Time, Semisonic

Well its my fault for not performing... or maybe its someone else's fault for not motivating me the way I should be motivated. Too late for the blame game though. Changing paths, its always hard for me to do this. I always question my ability to accept change though I've been through a lot of great, fuckin', amazing and awesome changes, specially lately. 

The thing is this time, I need to make it my weapon... Some sort of "Gokai change" or "Henshin" that can help me get through. Hahahaha... One thing I hate about planning is that it never happens 100% the way it's planned... If you're not flexible enough, you'll end up cracked by your own plans. 

So I said yes. For regularization, for keeping the pride, for telling myself that I'm still worth of something, for the sake of staying in the game of life. Who knows, this might be the personal niche that I'm looking for. I'm excited, challenged, maybe a bit scared. I'm sad coz I need to leave, happy that its gonna be a new adventure and new friends. Just when you started to grow fond of the environment, its already time to go, another "just a passing by kamen rider" moment.

FINE, LETS DO THIS!

Lullabies as a funeral song

I'm currently reading "The Hunger Games" of Suzanne Collins. So far its a half-novel half "PBB Teens" but what caught my attention is this:

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes
And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it’s safe, here it’s warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay
And when again it’s morning, they’ll wash away.

Here it’s safe, here it’s warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm

Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you."

It's the scene where Rue, a character that resembles much like the protagonist's sister, died in action. Being a caring sister, even if she doesn't know how to sing, Katniss sang this lullaby to Rue. I imagine T. Swift's "Safe and Sound" playing on the background...

Now I'll have to download the movie, right? :)

The urge to post cannot be stopped

Time for special buster...

Phase 2 initializing, gonna kick someone's ass... :)

So here's my "bad ass" background music... Hahahaha...

(I promise to post something sensible on my next post...)

'You need to be happy to live, I don't.' - Keanu Reeves

Hear my confession

Lingering intentions
Bringing us both
To different directions
So take what you can

And take me where I wanna be
Any place will do
Learn the tricks of fire
I apologize
But I'm gonna have to take me with you
Learn the tricks of fire
And wash yourself with it

Yeah yeah
Learn the tricks of fire
And wash yourself with it

Feel the sand in between your toes
Nobody has to know
The pleasure that you take
In every step that you make
Harbor it all the way

Take me to a place I wanna go
I have survived in defeat
Do you know the tricks of fire
I apologize
But I'm takin' me with you
I badly, badly need to burn
Badly need to burn

Yeah yeah
I badly, badly need to burn
Badly need to burn

Sand and the sea..

Meet in between

Fire and ice..

You and i

Meet in between..

Meet in between..

You and i

You and i

The title, I read from FB... Striking lang... :)
The song is what's playing on my player right now as my soul lingers somewhere else... My blog is asking me to write again but my thoughts won't permit me... Hahahaha...

Quick post for everybody

Without prejudice to religion or any belief...
Let's not use "God" as a reason to whatever we are facing today.
Indeed, I believe that He wrote a perfect plan for us, but then He gave us free will.

Hindi pwedeng tinatawag na lang natin xa the way we use the effin phrase na "Bahala na si Batman".

"Sometimes the truth isn't good enough.
Sometimes people deserve more.
Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded..."

- Batman, The Dark Knight

Ahm, I can't blog further... not much inspiration I guess. :)

Thin lines, comparison and a poem

"There's a thin line between crisp and burned..."

Wala lang yan, pauso ko. Natutunan ko habang nagpi-prito ng lechon kawali at sumasayaw kakaiwas sa talsik ng mantika. Pro na 'ko, hindi ko na kailangan takpan habang nagpi-prito, nakaface mask at kevlar na lang ako. Hahaha... (Again, bawal kumontra. Blog ko 'to)

The hell sa pauso ko 'di ba, walang kwentang blog post. Pero kung gusto mo pa magbasa, e di sige...simulan na natin.

There's a lot of thin lines nowadays. 'Yung mga contrasting things, anlapit na nila bigla. Dati mga related things lang ang may thin line. Confidence at arrogance, friendship at love, Crisp at Sunog, T-back at puwet, pizza, napkin... Ngayon pati love and hate na, morning at night, gwapo at panget (kasi kahit panget, puwede na rin manlalake/mambabae, puwede na rin magsuplada/o, puwede na rin maginarte... HANEP EH!). Ansakit sa ulo... Minsan maganda ang pagde-deviate, nawawala ang limits, umuunlad tayo. Pero lagay naman natin sa tama. Hahaha.

***

"In a relationship, nobody loves more.
When we begin to compare, either resentment, selfishness or both creeps in.
Either way, we get doomed."

Pauso ko ulet. Cute eh. May nagsabi kasi sa akin ng "I love you more". Ooops, walang issue... Ading ko ang nagsabi. So ayan ang sagot ko.  Hirap kasi pag nagbilangan na ng effort. Hindi ako magpapakaimpokrito, kung hindi man mahirap, SOBRANG HIRAP magbigay ng effort na hindi bumabalik. Pakiramdam natin sayang lang lahat. Pero sabi nga ni Papa Jack (nakikinig ako, gabi-gabi), "A relationship is not just give and take, its give and give." Ganon kasi magmahal, walang kapalit pero bigay todo. At kung hindi mo yan kaya, magisip ka. Baka hindi ka nagmamahal, baka kelangan mo lang ng hobby.

***

Dahil puro pauso ko lang naman ang post na ito, tapusin natin ito sa TULA. Writer ako, bakit. :)
Inspired ng Nakatingin sa Bituin ni Jose F. Lacaba

'Di Mahawakan
-JPG

Minsa'y lumabas upang mamasyal

'Di Mapigilang mapansin

ilang bulaklak sa hardin

Kaygandang pagmasdan

Subalit 'di ko mahawakan

Mahigpit na bilin ng ina
Huwag silang sisirain
'pagkat sila'y may buhay din

Kaygandang pagmasdan

Subalit 'di ko mahawakan

Sa gabing madilim ay napagtanto
Mga bagay na maganda
bulaklak man o tala

Kaygandang pagmasdan

Subalit 'di ko mahawakan

May mga batang dumaan
pinitas ang mga bulaklak sa hardin
Nais kong magmatapang at sila'y pigilan

walang nagawa kundi pagmasdan

Subalit 'di ko mahawakan

Kanilang pinaglaruan
isinabit sa kung saan-saan
matapos ay iniwan na lang
hanggang sa mayurakan

Kayhirap pagmasdan

Subalit 'di pa rin mahawakan

 

 

HI sa tatay kong hindi alam na hindi pinaghihintay ang malikot na utak sa pagbblog... :D

 

Kaldereta, Speech at Contentment

Note: This blog post is inspired by a dish (cooked by me), a graduation speech and thoughts that never left my tiny brain.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
- Epicurus

Masaya lang ako. Masaya ako dahil sa maraming bagay. Dahil sa alam kong kaya akong patawarin ng mga tao kahit paulit-ulit akong magkamali. Dahil naniniwala na ulit ako sa tadhana. Dahil kay Lourd De Veyra na naghatid ng mahusay na graduation speech sa UP Masscom. Dahil kalderetang baka ang ulam at masarap ito (at ako talaga ang nagluto).

Kuntento. Contentment. Sabi sa dictionary:

Content

adj
1.	mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are
2.	assenting to or willing to accept circumstances, a proposed course of action, etc

Naisipan ko magluto ng kaldereta ngayon. Akala ko kasi dadating 'yung pinsan ko. 'Yung paborito kong pinsan. At dahil ang mga pinsan ang unang "bestfriend" natin, gusto ko masarap ang ulam niya. 

Bumili ako ng tomato paste, naisip ko masarap pag may carrots kaya bumili ako, naisip ko rin na wala pala akong bellpeper na nabili, bili ako. Magsisimula na sana ako maghiwa ng kung anu-ano nang maisip ko na wala akong keso. Oo, lumabas ako at bumili. Saka ko lang napagtanto na wala akong liver spread. Sais pesos na lang ang nasa kamay ko at nagaalangan na kong makakahanap pa ko ng pangdagdag. Pero hindi ako sumuko. Nilikom ko lahat ng mamisong nagkalat sa sala namin at sa wakas, nakaipon ako ng 18php. Duda akong sapat na iyon pero lumakad na ko. 20php ang isa at kahit nakakahiya, inutang ko na muna ung dos. Kailangan ko pa magluto kaya ndi na 'ko nagatubili. Pumayag naman ung nagbabantay eh.

Natapos ako magluto, saka ko nalaman na hindi na pupunta ang pinsan ko. Ansaya 'di ba. Oo nga pala, hanggang ngayon may utang pa rin akong dos sa tindahan.

Syempre badtrip ako, bakit pa ko nagluto? Kaso dumating ang tatay ko, kumain. Pagkatapos ng 3 araw naming cold war, kumain siya at sinaid ang sinandok na ulam. Nakatingin ako habang ansarap ng kain niya. (Mayabang ako. Blog ko 'to, bakit... 'Dun ka magyabang sa blog mo...)

Dun lang ako nakuntento. Oo nakuntento ako pagkatapos ng isang buwan at labingpitong araw. Bakit? Nakitaan ko ng pagtanggap ang tatay ko... 'Yung tao na akala ko bato...At bakit ako nakuntento??? Simple lang, nakabalik na ako sa dati kong sarili. Ang pokus, naibalik na sa dati nitong kinalalagyan.

Tinamaan ako kay Epicurus. Ang mga bagay na mayroon ako ngayon ay ang mga bagay na hinangad ko noon. Na kung hindi kaya, huwag ng magasam pa ng iba.

Minsan daw nagtanong ang estudyanteng henyo sa gurong henyo, si Plato kay Socrates:

Plato asked Socrates:"What is happiness?"
Socrates said:" I ask you to across the field and pick a flowers which is the most beautiful, but there is a rule that you can't go back and you can pick only one."
So Plato began to do this. After long time, he came back and held the most beautiful flower.
Socrates asked him:"Is this the most beautiful flower?"
Plato said:"When I crossed the field, I saw this beautiful flower and I picked it up and recognizing that it is the most beautiful one, while I saw many other beautiful flowers later, but I still insist on this one is the most beautiful one so I took it back."

Kuntento. Para sa'ken, kuntento lang ako hangga't kaya kong manatiling nakapokus. Habang umiindak sa sayaw ng buhay at nakikinig sa tugtog na tinatawag nilang tadhana. Madalas kasi, sabi nga ni Lourd, nakakalimutan natin ang orihinal na pakay natin... Andaming nakakapukaw ng atensyon natin at sa sobrang dami ng gusto natin, nawawala talaga kung ano talaga ang gusto natin. Ang masaklap pa, pag naalala na natin 'yung original plan, huli na ang lahat.

Sabi nga sa isang parte ng speech ni pareng Lourd na kinuha sa isang tula:

Nasalpok ko tuloy,nasalpok ng isang paa,
ang isang tambak ng
taeng-kalabaw sa daan:
paglakad sa lansangan,
nakatingin sa bituin.

Santambak na kumalat
sa kalsada’t paa ko,
paalala ng lupa
na paa’y nakatapak
paglakad sa lansangan,
nakatingin sa bituin.

Madami rin akong gusto. Pero sa ngayon, isa lang ang gusto ko. Maibalik ang tiwala ng mga taong TOTOONG naniniwala sa akin. 'Yung mga taong handang tanggapin ako, anumang kasalanan at kamalian ang gawin ko. Tadhana, nagluto ako para sa pinsan ko, dumating ang tatay ko at nagustuhan ang niluto ko. Kung hindi ako nagluto, hindi ako makukuntento (kahit na ilang beses ako lumabas para bumili ng kung anu-ano).

Kuntento na sana ako pero bilang panapos, dahil gaya-gaya ako, isang tula rin ang ibabahagi ko. Isa sa mga unang tula na inintindi ko at nagmulat sa aking mga mata. 

"Ang Guryon"

ni Ildefonso Santos
 

Tanggapin mo, anak, itong munting guryon

na yari sa patpat at papel de Hapon;

magandang laruang pula, puti, asul,

na may pangalan mong sa gitna naroon.

Ang hiling ko lamang, bago paliparin

ang guryon mong ito ay pakatimbangin;

ang solo't paulo'y sukating magaling

nang hindi mag-ikit o kaya'y magkiling.
 

Saka pag sumimoy ang hangin , ilabas

at sa papawiri'y bayaang lumipad;

datapwa't ang pisi'y tibayan mo, anak,

at baka lagutin ng hanging malakas.
 

Ibigin mo't hindi, balang araw ikaw

ay mapapabuyong makipagdagitan;

makipaglaban ka, subali't tandaan

na ang nagwawagi'y ang pusong marangal.
 

At kung ang guryon mo'y sakaling madaig,

matangay ng iba o kaya'y mapatid;

kung saka-sakaling di na mapabalik,

maawaing kamay nawa ang magkamit!
 

Ang buhay ay guryon: marupok, malikot,

dagiti't dumagit, saanman sumuot...

O, paliparin mo't ihalik sa Diyos,

bago pa tuluyang sa lupa'y sumubsob!


Ito na ata ang pinakamahabang blog post ko... At kung hindi ka nag-enjoy sa pagbasa nito, sumayaw ka na lang..:D

The wind creates the Rift

I've got to breathe, 

you can't take that from me 

'Cause it's all that you left that's mine  

You had to leave and that's all I can see 

But you told me your love was blind

 
I know there are times you're so impossible  

That I should sign a waiver  

And you will find someone worth walking on  

When you ask me to go 

 
I'll leave when the wind blows  

Take a breath and away it goes 

I'll be outside of your window 

I'll pass by but I'll go slow  

I'll leave when the wind blows

 
There was a day you threw our love away  

Then you passed it to someone new  

You wanna stay but since you wanna play  

We can finally say we're through

 
I know there are times you're so impossible  

And you ask me to go

 
I'll leave when the wind blows 

Take a breath and away it goes 

I'll be outside of your window 

'll pass by but I'll go slow 
I'll leave when the wind blows  

You can scream there's just echoes 

I''ll pass outside of your window  

You'll be sad that you let me go  

I'll leave but just know
 

As I lay in solitude, oh what's a boy supposed to do?  

I shake the very thought of you, me together 

I remember Late nights when I stayed up late all I do is wait and wait  

You're never coming home to me, that's the hardest thing to see
 

I've got to breathe, you can't take that from me  

I can finally say we're through
 

I'll leave when the wind blows  

Take a breath and away it goes  

I'll be outside of your window 

I'll pass by but I'll go slow
I'll leave when the wind blows 

You can scream there's just echoes  

I'll pass outside of your window 

You'll be sad that you let me go  

On every face you'll ever know 

And everywhere you'll ever go  

You'll feel when the wind blows